It’s frustrating being in your 40s and still asking the same questions as you did in your younger years: What do I want to do with my life? What is the next step in my career journey and what would truly make me feel happy and fulfilled? You’d think I’d have that all figured out by now. But, in fact, I believe I was, in some ways, closer to answering these questions in my 20s than I am now. The younger me was so full of hope that I would live a fulfilling life devoted to creative endeavor. I was a filmmaker, a writer, a storyteller. I wanted to live out my dreams of being an “artist.” Forget the inertia of day-to-day office life…I wanted travel and adventure, and I knew I wanted to get there through storytelling.

In fact, the first short film I wrote was titled “Cubicle Genius” – a twilight zone inspired story of a man who, at the beginning of the film, is found sitting at his work cubicle with his head down on his desk. When the audience first sees him, they’re unsure if he’s tired, frustrated, bored, or anxious — but clearly he seems worried and unhappy. Eventually, he lifts his head up as if awakening from a dream. At first, he begins to do his job as per usual. However, as the film progresses, he quickly discovers that his co-workers are all zombie-like creatures engaged in the same monotonous, mindless tasks – and are doomed to do these senseless tasks over and over and over without end. He struggles to escape but finds himself unable to leave the building where he works. The movie ends with the protagonist realizing that he is truly trapped in this haunting situation, and, in anguish, returns to his cubicle defeated, putting his head back down on his desk – only to re-awaken seconds later unaware of what happened before and doomed to repeat this same terrible realization over and over.

It doesn’t take deep psychoanalysis to figure out what this movie was about or how it related to my own fears that, one day, I would be trapped in a similar situation, mindlessly working at a job that I cared little for, unable to live out the dreams of adventure that I had once imagined.

But, to my surprise, I did find joy in a specific line of work and was able to build a career doing something I love best, being a storyteller. I released my creativity through website management, digital media development, and even the writing and execution of online promotions that drove audiences to the very products I helped to develop. I wrote blogs, produced podcast and webcast programming, and oversaw the design and execution of several products and online events. And I found fulfillment and excitement in the creativity these roles offered.

Funnily, I never envisioned myself as a marketer; I saw myself, instead, as a content producer. And I never understood what the words “content marketing” even meant until I described my job to a good friend who introduced me to the term. I remember how she introduced it so casually…”Oh, so you’re in content marketing?” But  those words hit me like a bombshell! My whole professional career was now neatly summed up with two little words. I also discovered that companies are calling out for more content marketers and storytellers, needing those with a creative vision to help tell their own company’s story in new and innovative ways.

But, here is where I’m torn. Over the years, I found success in my work, but also felt stuck in my path. I wanted so desperately to climb the corporate ladder, so to speak, and I did earn those opportunities, especially in my last position. I managed teams, oversaw strategies and budgets, built out reporting spreadsheets, and sat in long meetings with other senior executives writing and reviewing annual and quarterly goals and projections. And though I appreciated the importance of the work, as I grew in career prominence, I also found myself moving away from what I really loved. So now that I’m searching for my next job, I could choose to take a step back to the more tactical roles I loved so much before, but I’m not sure I savor the idea of somehow moving backwards, even if it’s back to what I loved the most.

So, now that I am looking for new opportunities, what should I do? Do I choose to apply to more executive-level positions that provide the prestige (and even money) that I know I have earned, or do I focus on the roles that allow me to more directly utilize the skills I’m so passionate about — even if it means taking on a lower-level position? Is there an in-between? In the latter situation, I felt unfulfilled, but in the former I was always yearning for more senior-level opportunities. In both situations, I found myself always wanting more….

So, how do I go back to the happiness and fulfillment that I once experienced when I first started my content marketing career all those years ago? And, has anyone faced a similar struggle? I would love to hear more.